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🤮😴🤣 We all know the feeling: you made plans with a friend, but now that it’s almost time to leave the house, you just don’t have the energy. Or, maybe something else came up, and you actually can’t make it. Whatever the case is, cancelling plans, even over text, can be a little nerve wracking—but with a few well-placed compliments and a little honesty, you can gracefully bow out without feeling guilty.

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Text them as soon as possible.

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Start with a positive.

  1. Tell your friend how much you’re looking forward to seeing them. When you start with something nice, it lets your friend know that you really do love and appreciate them, and that cancelling your plans together isn’t a personal attack. And, if you’re cancelling a date with someone, it lets them know that you still want to see them in a romantic way. You might write something like:[3]
    • "Hey Amber! I was really looking forward to seeing you and catching up."
    • "Hi Fred! Super excited to hear about what you’ve been up to."
    • "Hey Alison! Really pumped to meet up and get to know you more."

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Let them know if you’re just in a bad mood.

  1. Sometimes you want to cancel plans because you just aren’t feeling it, and that’s okay. If you get out of bed in the morning and realize that all you want to do is sit on the couch and eat ice cream, let your friend know. Everyone has those days, and true friends will definitely understand where you’re coming from. You could say something like:[5]
    • "To be honest, I’m not feeling my best today, and I don’t think I’d be much fun to hang out with."
    • "I’ve had a super long week at work, and I’m just feeling really tired today."

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Offer up an alternative plan if you’re just feeling tired.

  1. Maybe you can do something a little more low-key instead. If your friend wanted to go out clubbing but you’re feeling more of a chill vibe, invite them over to watch a movie at home instead. Or, if you’re really not feeling up to seeing people, ask them if they’d like to chat via phone call or video call. There are still ways you can catch up with a friend, even if you don’t feel like leaving the house![6]
    • Giving an alternative shows that you still want to hang with your friend, but you just aren’t up for the original idea right now.
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Ask if you can reschedule if you can’t make it.

  1. Be specific about a new day and time, too. Instead of just saying, "Let’s hang out soon!" pick a new date, time, and place so your friend knows that you’re serious. Rescheduling can take some of the sting out of a cancelled plan, and it shows that you aren’t just blowing your friend off. Try to include this in your original message so they know what you’re doing right away, and make sure it’s a plan you can stick to so you don’t have to cancel again. For instance, you could say something like:[7]
    • "Hey Jessica! Thanks for inviting me out to lunch. Unfortunately, something came up and I can’t make it today, but I’d still love to see you. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?"
    • "Hey Jason! I really appreciate the invite to your party. I’m not feeling my best, but if you’re available next week, I’d love to catch up over coffee. How does Tuesday after work sound?"
    • "Hi Maria! I’m really sorry to reschedule our date, but I’m dealing with an issue at work. Can we move it to tomorrow night instead? Drinks are on me!"

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      References

      1. Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
      2. https://www.vogue.com/article/life-changing-magic-of-canceling-plans
      3. Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Pacific Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.
      4. Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
      5. https://www.southernliving.com/culture/how-to-cancel-plans
      6. https://www.tlcme.com/life---relationships/how-to-cancel-plans-without-looking-like-a-total-flake
      7. https://americanmigrainefoundation.org/resource-library/how-to-cancel-plans/
      8. Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Pacific Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.
      9. https://americanmigrainefoundation.org/resource-library/how-to-cancel-plans/

      About This Article

      Co-authored by:
      Matchmaker & Dating Coach
      This article was co-authored by Judith Gottesman, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Judith Gottesman is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Soul Mates Unlimited™️ Date Coaching and Matchmaking. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in using psychology, attention to detail, and her intuition to create lasting matches. She is known as The West Coast Jewish Community’s Matchmaker, but her dating advice works for everyone. Her work has been featured in numerous national media outlets, such as The New York Times, NPR, and Fox News. Judith is also an author of two books, Your Soul Mate Awaits! and The Lost Art of Dating. She holds a BA in Psychology from The University of California, Berkeley and an MA in Social Work from Yeshiva University. This article has been viewed 19,710 times.
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      Co-authors: 4
      Updated: January 26, 2022
      Views: 19,710
      Categories: Featured Articles | Texting
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 19,710 times.

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